Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
