I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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