...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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