I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she told me i tasted like america
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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