Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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