I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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