...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
