is your mom at the bar?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
