Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
