I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
