I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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