The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
