I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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