I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
