I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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