dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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