just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
