She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
