Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
