Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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