Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Enjoy the penises
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
