Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
