not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
