Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
