Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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