You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
