Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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