Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she woke up with a sticky ear
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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