Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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