I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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