the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
