just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
