mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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