Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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