I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
