it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
