Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
