david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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