closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
