is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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