she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
