saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
