I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
