Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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