I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
not ubering you a puppy
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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