Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
