All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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