Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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