there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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