Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
